The fifth & sixth days of the spending freeze seemed pretty easy, that is until I saw a friend post a photo of herself with white Birkenstock’s on Instagram. She looked so beautiful and happy, and instantly, I too wanted white Birkenstock’s.

In the past, real Birkenstock’s have always helped me feel better.

Shopping was always was a quick fix if I was having a bad day, or just feeling upset, frustrated, anxious, insecure, unworthy, or sad.

But not today, I couldn’t quickly shop online at Nordstrom and get a pair. I was in a spending freeze, and so far staying on track.

Why does buying real Birkenstock’s make me feel better?

It all started 3 and half years ago, at a mariners game in Seattle.

Although, I wasn’t on a spending freeze at the time, I was single, paying for my mortgage on my own, contributing to my retirement, and trying to save a little after spending what little dollars I saved up for my mission trip to Cambodia.

I loved my time in Cambodia. I know God clearly paved the way for me to go there.

I loved the kids at the orphanages, and the friendships I made, but I still came back without many pennies to my name.

Back in the United States, I met my future husband Stephen.

During the first few months of our relationship, he took me to a mariners game.

At the mariners game I met two of his friends from out of town. They came in just to meet me, and to tell Steve whether they approved or didn’t approve of him dating me.

I didn’t realize what two different worlds we came from until I met his friends.

They were privileged. Grew up with wealthy parents, and really didn’t get me. To them, I was some sort of strange foreign creature.

I still remember wanting his friend’s girlfriend to like me, but instead of her accepting me, she rejected me because of how I looked.

She judged me, and found me not stylish enough for her. I was not materialistic enough, and her painful and piercing words still to this day ring in my ears when she said, “What the heck are those shoes? What brand are those? They don’t look like real Birkenstock’s. What are you wearing? Get your stuff together girl, you can’t go around wearing those shoes.”

Instantly, I felt unworthy and rejected by the words and actions of my soon-to-be husband’s friend’s girlfriend.

Steve and I had just started dating at the time, and we weren’t yet married.

I wanted to impress him still. I wanted his friends, and his friend’s girlfriends to like me.

However, I was rejected.

She went on that day to also comment on my hair color. I remember her grabbing a strand of my hair. I didn’t ask her to touch my hair, but she had drank some cider already that day.

She grabbed a couple of strands of my hair, examined them, and asked me, “why is your hair so red? Did you box die it!?! Oh man, you really …(and she said again)…need to get it together.”

I had two masters degrees and a bachelors in mathematics and accounting, but I apparently didn’t have my “stuff” together in her eyes.

I had bought a box die for my hair, and it turned my hair reddish brown.

I just came back from a third world country, and I felt my hair was the least of crisis’ to worry about.

She told me all the reasons NOT to do my hair myself at home, and why even if I felt I didn’t have money, I needed to find a way to save up better, so I could always hire a real hair stylist to do my hair.

After that painful experience, I felt really heartbroken. I felt rejected and very misunderstood.

It was painful to feel rejected by someone I wanted as a friend, who would soon become one of Steve’s best friends wives.

It was painful to be rejected for my financial decisions, but it also made me realize that we are living in a material world.

After that experience, what did I do?

I bought Birkenstock’s at Nordstrom and went to a hairdresser.

I still to this day only buy name brands. It has been years since my experience, and she has since moved and left Olympia, but those words still wounded.

As women, we really need to look for the BEST in one another and not focus so much on our hairstyles or clothing or our differences in those preferences.

This spending freeze has made me realize, I don’t need to fear rejection or shame because of how I look, or don’t look.

I think we all want to avoid the pain of rejection, but what I’ve also realized is that if someone feels the desire to reject me because of my outfits and style, or because I am just different than they are, then I really don’t need to be friends with that person in the first place. I have the ability to let anyone go, or to let anyone into my heart.

Reflection Questions:

(1) When is a time you have felt rejected?

(2) Did you feel the need to buy anything to feel better?