Today is my 37th birthday!!! I am so thankful for all the friends, family, and deep relationships formed over the years.
Life has been full of lessons for me the last 37 years. Never easy, yet never dull. I don’t know if you can relate?
Some years have been amazing like the year I met my husband and the year we got married. That was a year of a dream, a hope and a wish that had come true. After years and years of prayer, journaling, meditation, therapy, dieting and dreaming, I finally met my husband Stephen.
When he asked me to be his girlfriend, a huge double rainbow 🌈 soared above in the sky, and I knew it was a sign that God had promised me good things, and that God would always be true and faithful to his promise.
The last time before that when I saw a double rainbow was 4 years prior, and the exact day March 25th that I found out my ex-husband was having an affair due to my infertility and would be leaving me soon to start his new family.
All that to say:
Some years are years our deepest hopes, dreams, wishes, desires, and miracles come true, and other years are years you feel more like someone gut punched you so hard you’re holding your stomach in so much pain …unsure if you’ll ever be able to rise again.
Unfortunately, this last year has felt more like the year of gut punch than the year of seeing God’s amazing miracles.
Anyone relate to 2020 this way?
I also realize that each year is different….and some of us are even lucky enough to have multiple gut punch years, like my dad passing away, oh and followed by our baby passing away the following year.
The years when our dreams feel like sand passing through our fingers, are the years that God is preparing us and equipping us. He is building in us perseverance, character, and hope.
Although, it doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel good to have those you love pass away. It doesn’t feel good to watch all my friends have happy healthy babies, while I still struggle with infertility and miscarriage.
But God has promised me something and that hope is what I hang on to.
It took years and years before I saw the last miracle come to pass, and maybe like me you too are waiting patiently for God to show up and intervene in your life. If that’s you too…hang on to this promise:
“God has made everything beautiful in it’s time” Ecclesiastes 3:11.
I am done asking God — why?
I am done asking why did my dad have to pass away? Why was I left? Why did my baby have to miscarry? Why is everyone around me having healthy babies, prosperity, and I don’t have that?
I don’t know. There is so much I can’t see into the future, but what I do know is God is good all the time, and now my question to God is, What?
God, what is it that you want to do through me?
There is always a reason for each season of our lives. Humbling seasons are not bad, nor is someone better than another if their lives have been easier.
I know for me in this season, God allowed it to bring me to humility and hope.
I had gone too long really relying on my own strength and wisdom. I had an answer for everything, and a solution to every one of life’s problems.
However, in the process rather than becoming more beautiful- I honestly became more arrogant. I relied and trusted on my masters degrees, my rise and climb up the career ladder to a VP position (my dream job!!). I worked hard to get there, but that wasn’t what was important to God. The things of man aren’t the things of God.
The things of this world we think are so special and so important are NOT what God thinks are so special and so important.
Financial Day Dreamer 